Tuesday, August 7, 2012

I Can Bring a Friend to Yoga, But I'll Never be a Yogi

Ok, I have to admit, I haven't been to yoga much lately. It's a very crowded power yoga class, and what I really want is restorative yoga, or a yoga for runners (and since I already belong to 2 gyms, I don't want to pay extra for a yoga studio). Anyway, I did go to class at the Y with my friend Kelly a short time ago.

She is super-yogafied (it's a word; I'm sure I found it in Merriam-Webster on Urban Dictionary).

Before class, we chatted about different yoga styles and she told me about one that involves lying down and requires very little movement.

Then, for some inexplicable reason, she also asked me to go rock climbing with her.

I mean, she has read this blog.

Once the class started, Kelly was all business.  While we were in Warrior Two I glanced over at her to see if she was enjoying herself.  She was focused on her *drishti...really focused.

*For those who have not done yoga, your 'drishti' is a point a few feet ahead that you look at to help you keep your focus and balance.  You have to be sure to relax your eyes.

Hmm, it's possible I'm thinking of something else.

Anyway, the class continued.  While Kelly expertly executed the half moon, I didn't even bother with the block and just trotted over to lean against the wall.  I still fell over.

I soldiered on as we progressed through our sun salutations.  We were told (as usual) to place our feet 6 inches apart for many of the poses.

Does anyone know what a 6 inch space between your feet is just by eyeballing it?  My yoga instructor seems to. I do not.

I always end up like this:

or like this:

And on the topic of distance, you know-if you do yoga-how you're always supposed to swing your leg forward out of downward- facing-dog straight into a lunge?  Well either my legs are really long (they are not), or my arms are really short (they are not), but either way my leg always gets stuck about halfway through; and the day I went to class with Kelly was no exception.

Once we completed the falling over balancing portion of the class, it was time to get on the floor and work the core.  We did bridges over and over (and over) again.

It sounded like a birthing class with all the deep breathing.

I didn't mind the huffing and puffing in class; we were working hard. But I could honestly have done without the moaning accompanying every movement. Furthermore, the half-hearted, super high-pitched singing along with Celine Dion was not appreciated.

Don't worry, it wasn't Kelly.

Thankfully, I do not ever sing out loud in class, because every time we've done the Superman move, the instructor has said to reach to the window with our hand, and to the wall with our foot.  And then she chants softly:

And then I have Sandra Bullock in my head, dancing around the forest with Betty White.

And that does not help my focus at all.

Ok, holy crap, I just googled that song and wow.  Dirty.

I'm over at Yeah Write this week on the Hangout Grid.  Come check out some other great reads by clicking on the button below!

read to be read at yeahwrite.me



  1. Haha i love this! I forgot about that celine dion singing. That was a little weird :) ps.I think you are a great yogini

  2. lol that song is sooooo dirty!! I am still so afraid of trying a yoga class after basically falling on my behind the entire time. Props to you for going - clumsy people and yoga don't seem to mix well.

  3. Hahahah what an experience for you! Yoga requires too much concentration for me.

  4. You dropped a Mallrats reference! I love you forever for that. "A schooner is a sailboat." And thanks for getting that song in my head "sweat drips down my ba..."

  5. Yea so I cracked up laughing about 19 times during this post!! Love your descriptions and as always your drawings- they are too perfect!! I haven't done yoga really since before I was pregnant so I can only imagine what an awful failure I would be now!! I can barely stand on 2 feet right now! :)

  6. Love it! makes me think of the weird dude in my tai chi group (also a relaxation thing) who did crazy loud, forceful, and definitely not relaxed breathing like he was gonna kill someone with tai chi.

  7. brill! i love yoga-but there are times when you just have to laugh out loud-or other times when you spend the whole session thinking about your dinner! Right!? only natural!

  8. Was she talking about Yin Yoga? That's my fave type. So relaxing, so stretchy, so doesn't require me to work hard.

    Tip on the feet 6 inches apart thing - my instructor has us do "2 fists distance" between our feet. Make fists, use handy little measuring device, punch people that annoy you. Lather, rinse, repeat.

  9. I did Yoga... once. I left with my tail curled down my but and up my vagina crack when the blue-haired, 90yo bittys put me to shame.

  10. The Betty White/Sandra Bullock scene is easily top 10 in my life.

    I have real difficulties from getting from upward dog or cobra right back into downward dog with any sort of grace. I feel like the instructor is judging me everytime :)

  11. Ha! Love the pictures! It must take you FOREVER to write a blog post!

  12. Yoga class music should not have lyrics. I used to go to a yoga class at a gym chain and I would always hear Fergie coming in from the main gym during Savasana. It is impossible to relax to Fergie.

  13. kelly: It was so weird. Thanks for saying that-maybe I really do just need a different class.

    Meg O: We so do not mix! I've only gone one other time since the class with Kelly.

    Gia: Yeah, it's tough to take yoga when you're an "Oh look, squirrel!" kind of person like we are.

    Pickleope: I LOOOVVVVE that you got my Mallrats reference! I would have been so disappointed if you hadn't. Seriously. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go beat up the Easter Bunny.

    Erika: Hehe. I think after writing this post I've come to the conclusion that I really don't enjoy this type of yoga. We should find a good one to go to together.

    IASoupMama: Yikes! That would be incredibly disturbing, and not at all helpful in feeling calm yourself during class.

    Robyn: Yes, I spend much of the time waiting for savasana and thinking about what I will eat :)

    Laura: Yes, Yin yoga!! I think I need to try it! Great tip on the 2 fist thing-thank you! I wonder why no instructor I've had has ever said that?? Fists are so 'handy' :P

    Your Doctor's Wife: Those old ladies know what they're doing!

    Meghan: I hear ya. I'm always readjusting from one pose to the next, regardless of how flowy the class is supposed to be.

    ratherthecouch: Thanks! It's a few hours' work :)

    runningonwords: They need to sound proof the rooms for yoga (I realize they're multipurpose but it's so annoying!) Then again, Fergie is kind of annoying any time.

  14. I'm pretty sure if I were to try yoga I would spend most of the time falling on my head. And now I'm going to go google that song.

  15. Loved this post! The yoga practice I attend now is held in an open palapa over the Caribbean Sea in Belize. No music. It's just about perfect. I still have a long way to go, but it does this body and soul a lot of good. Thanks for the smiles!

  16. This is so hilarious. Nonetheless, am not a yoga person. But I love pilates :P

  17. Bahaha! I love everything about this post. That song is soooo dirty. Especially when you learn what "to the window to the wall" really means. Dir-ty.

  18. Vanessa: I do spend a lot of time doing that. I'm sorry you went to google the song; that knowledge can't be undone.

    Emily: Glad you enjoyed! Your class sounds much more peaceful than mine :D And your view beats mine, which is an apartment building (with people likely looking into the class).

    jamie: Thanks! I find pilates equally difficult.

    Sarcasm Goddess: I KNOW, right?? Learned that when I googled it.

  19. That top-knot hair do on Kelly is pretty fresh.

  20. Hah! Too cute! All good reasons why I do yoga DVDs at home.

  21. Love this even though I'm a huge yoga fan! It reminds me of a class I took a friend too. She asked me afterwards why everyone was making weird breathing noises. :)

  22. This is why I am not a yoga person. My balance is all over the place and as big/long as I am at 5'10 I am worried that as I go crashing around I will take people out.
    P.S.- Your yoga drawings - amazing!

  23. Flood: She wears it well :)

    got2run4me: Great idea! Except for the part where I want to fast forward through the middle section :)

    Angela: I would like to be a yoga person. I have the mat, and the clothes. I just don't have the muscles, flexibility, or concentration!

    Danielle: Thanks!

    Abby: Thank you :D Luckily I'm a shrimp so I don't take people out when I fall all over. I can see where that could be a concern!

  24. So sad but true..that's why we are related :)

  25. I am going to have that song stuck in my head all night now! hahaha That is one of the BEST parts in The Proposal! Love it!

  26. not athletic: Yup.

    skippinginseattle: Hehe, it is a catchy tune isn't it?

  27. And this is exactly why I refuse to do Yoga. Though my parents seem to love it...

  28. Ha! I'm simply not a yogi in any imaginable way!

  29. DWei: Hehe. Perhaps they go to a more mellow kind of yoga :)

    Mandy: Yeah, I don't think I am either!

  30. 6 inches is half a sub - just visualize half a sub and you've got it - although you'll be hungry after!

  31. I love this because I feel exactly the same way when I try to do yoga!

    Love you drawings ;)

  32. I am so unflexible, but I keep going back to yoga when I can... love how it makes me feel afterward. Maybe if I were a more regular attendee I'd start improving!

  33. AmyC: Thanks :) I'm glad to know you feel the same!

    Laura: Yeah, I should keep going too, but of course it's so hard that I don't want to go...

  34. I'm so glad I didn't take a sip of water while reading this. So funny and I love the pictures.

    I think hearing people sing the Titanic theme song would have made lose my balance.

    And now off to see if Netflix has The Proposal!

  35. C McKane: Thanks! Yes I think there should be a "no singing" policy during yoga. Have fun watching the movie :D


I love comments and I always reply to each one!


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...