Saturday, March 30, 2013

You Say Bikram Yoga? I Say Bikram "No"ga.

The other weekend, I went back to Bikram yoga with Christy.  It was a Sunday morning, and apparently everyone else in town thought that was a fine time to go as well.  People kept streaming in, including the Speedo Guy.  He was super fit, super strong...and super, duper sweaty.  He stood right in front of the mirror, and right in my line of sight.  This was an issue during the class when the instructor told us to focus on ourselves in the mirror, because all I could see was this:

You guys, this was just him warming up before class even started.

During the class I was distracted by many things: Speedo Guy's sweatfest, my attempts to keep from falling over (too often), and the smell of the room.

Which is ironic since we don't even wear socks in class.

And of course, I had to figure out how to "manage" my own sweat.  Our instructor told us to let it drip, because wiping the sweat just makes us reabsorb the toxins back into our bodies. But when I'm upside down it all goes into my eyes, ears, mouth and nose.

And those sweet, sweet toxins are definitely getting reabsorbed.

I also had difficulties with some most of the yoga parts of the class.  During one posture we were told to put our forehead to our knee.  If we did not put our forehead on our knee we were doing it wrong (emphasis from instructor) and had not yet started the posture. 

Lady, if this is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

Once we got to the part with the short bursts of savasana (still don't understand that), our instructor would use her most soothing voice to tell us to relax completely.

But how could I relax when I knew that 15 seconds later she would be clapping and yelling at us??

Yeah, not good for my 'om-ness'. 

So I really did not enjoy the class.  And I found myself very confused about something:  our instructor kept calling our clothes 'costumes', as in:

Man, was I supposed to wear a costume??

I wish I had known.  I totally would have coordinated with Speedo Guy.

Or at least we would have both had capes.  And I might have actually considered going back.  But I'm not.  

I'm done with Bikram yoga.


I'm joining Yeah Write's Moonshine Grid this weekend. Come join me!


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