Can someone please tell me *what* mother-loving, lactate-burning, Marquis de Sade
bitch athlete (ahem, sorry, I don't know what came over me) devised this crazy idea. What--biking on a path isn't enough for you??
I have a friend who is a hard-core athlete. In her spare time she likes to teach fitness classes at a gym. She asked me to go to her spin class the other night. I said "sure", never having gone to a spin class, but thinking it would be a good workout. Like I said, she is hard-core and very competitive. I should have known that she would teach a class that would not be for sissies.
It started out easy enough: just sit on the bike and pedal. Excellent. Then the music started and suddenly it was all:
Hmm, well ok, I guess I can do that.
Then after about ten seconds I heard it again:
Well hold on now, I thought I just did...say, is there a delayed echo in here?
But, we just...
Um, excuse me? Do what now??
At this point we were about 2.16 minutes (I'm guesstimating) into an hour-long class, and my legs had turned to Jell-O.
I was alternating between turning beet-red
I felt like I was sweating yet I'm pretty sure the flames shooting out of my skin took care of any pesky *moisture* issues.
Um, no thanks. I was afraid of what would come out of my mouth if I opened it at that moment. It would be either:
A string of obscenities that would make me sound possessed.
Or possibly both (there's a visual for ya). So I kept my mouth closed and focused on breathing and staying upright on the seat.
Now, for the more astute readers, you may be saying to yourself: "But Julie (that's my real name, for those of you who don't know me in the real world
), you were in a spin class, ergo, you were on a stationary bike,
staying upright on the seat, a.k.a. *balancing*, should be a non-issue."
Well, you would be wrong. Or you just wouldn't know me very well.
You see, at well-choreographed points during the class, the teachers (did I mention there were two of them?
) would ask us to sit back, take our hands off the handlebars, and...
Now, is it just me, or does everyone's badonk slink forward the second they sit upright on a bike, like yay?
So I was sliding down and hunching over like a turtle so I didn't lose saddle contact, and I was expected to put my arms behind my head
I did manage to survive the class *and* not slide off. And, when the teacher asked the class to praise ourselves for something we did well, I was able to come up with two things:
Number One: Not vomiting!
and, Numero Dos: Not Passing Out!
Oh, and the studio was at the top of the stairs. Since my leg muscles were beyond muscle confusion (let's call it muscle *stupor*
), I saw that "walking down the stairs" was not really an option.
Athletic stance to the rescue!! With a bit of a slant.
P.S. I have mad respect
for these spinners.
So, do any of you normal people out there go to spin class?
We will return to our regularly scheduled post next week when we discuss HOW TO DESTROY ALL YOUR HARD WORK IN UNDER AN HOUR