Sunday, May 15, 2011

Partner Up!

When I was younger there was a commercial on T.V. for Marineland.  It is an amusement park in Niagara Falls.  While showing all the different attractions at the park they sang a little ditty.  "Happiness iiiiiis...a great big kiss" (as  a little girl gets slobbered by a leaping killer whale) "Happiness iiiis seeing friends you miss!  Happiness iiiiiiiiissssssss...Marineland!"

Well for me,

Sorry, had to jam the words together to make them fit the song.

As soon as I have to share a lane, I start to waste energy checking for a third person to join, causing the dreaded CIRCLE SWIM. Bah. It means I have to keep up with get out of the way of the inevitably faster swimmers.

If you lane swim, you are familiar with how the process works.  Typically there are designated lanes based on speed:

Coincidentally, the slow lane is where they do the kiddies' swim test.  This lane is also known as Are You Faster Than a First Grader? (I am not.)

First, you must choose your lane, and you'd best choose wisely. See, it's not just your speed you're deciding on, it's also the speed of the swimmers who are already in the lanes. In other words, their choices will affect your choices.

As a special treat for you (the best readers in the world!), today you have your choice of who you want your lane partner to be. Remember, chOoSe WiseLy.

Ready?? O!K!

Option A:
The Racer (ray-sir): this person swims in the medium lane but should be in the fast lane. She constantly laps you, making you feel like you oughta be wearing floaties to be allowed in the pool.

Option B:
The Sprinter (sprin-ter): (close cousin to the racer) this person only swims for about 10 minutes but insists on swimming right behind you at all times.  He frequently has to stop and do breast stroke because you're *too slow*. You can hear him sighing under water, but he refuses to pace himself so that there is a decent distance between you.

Option C:
The I Always Swim in the Middle of the Lane Because I Need to Swim Directly Over the Line. Always.  Person (aye-awl-waze...meh, you can all read the title): this person does not understand or care about the fact that when she swims in the middle, you have to scootch over to the rope to avoid crashing into her.  Of course, in the meantime you are getting intimately acquainted with the person in the next lane.

Option D:
The Sneak (sneeeeck): this person decides on a whim to just swim a couple of laps before heading to the hot tub. One minute you're enjoying your swim managing not to drown, the next minute (and 30 seconds) later, you turn around at the wall and you're suddenly confronted with this:

So.  Who did you choose?  For the record,  I just got back from the pool and was lucky enough to have all four in my lane today!

Oh, and just for laughs, I looked up that commercial on YouTube.  Behold! 



  1. Love this post, Julie! It was especially fun as I am new to the ettiquette of the pool (which may or may not be important, based on the way swimmers seem to "stringently" follow it!!) :)

  2. I didn't know there was swimming lane etiquette! I think I'd be the "What am I doing here, everyone is faster than me" swimmer. :)

    Following you in return, thanks!!

  3. Funny post :) made me laugh out loud. The illustrations were great!

  4. This is hilarious. Thanks for visiting my blog Trilogy Edibles. I too took the challenge of a tri and this past Jan ran my first and last marathon of which I blogged my year of training at

    It's nice to see I'm not the only nut out there sharing my misadventures in training LOL

  5. Instead of choosing my lane partner, can I just choose to BE The Sneek?

    Okay great thanksssssss. :)

  6. Ann Marie: Yeah, when it gets really crowded some people get a little lax...particularly in the 'non-fast' lanes :)

    Life, Crafts and Whatever: Oh yes. It is posted at each lane. Seems imposing at first but in theory it's pretty basic :) Thanks for the follow back!

    Grace: I love that i made you laugh out loud!!

    Karen: Ohh, i'm impressed!! I've got my first marathon coming up this winter...scarrrrrrryyyyy! Thanks for coming by :D

  7. andrea: You must've been writing your comment at the same time as me :)
    Sure, you can be The Sneak. It's cool if I actually know the person ;)

  8. Ahhh, I know Marineland!! Well, never been. But when we are in Canada, we always see the commercials. Thanks. Now it will be stuck in my head all night, lol. I hate the racer, he is the worst. I used to swim quite a lot, and I wanted to underwater punch this person, lol.

  9. Um, the walrus in that commercial is freaky.

    I had no idea there were so many different types of lane swimmers (of course, I never go swimming). But...I will tell you this: Utah drivers need to learn how to drive in their own freakin' lane! The end.

  10. Oh man, I won't be training for my tri until at least next year, but I am so nervous about the swimming part. I'm pretty sure people floating idly on an inflated raft in a lake on a windless day move faster than me. Seriously. LOL

    I'm going to try and pay off the gym owners so I can get the pool to myself.

  11. I would pick the sneak if I had to get one. At least that way I wouldn't feel as intimidated. They would stop and talk to me and I wouldn't feel like a looser that everyone had to move around.

  12. Hey, girlie! As always, these pictures are hysterical yet to the point. Love them :) Thanks for joining us and sharing with us this awesome post at the Creative Bloggers' Party & Hop :)

  13. TexaGermaNadian: i like the idea of the underwater punch :) I was wondering if Marineland still exists! Oh, and you're welcome for the ear bug ;)

    Shanimal Crackers: Perhaps the Utah drivers need to meet the PNW swimmers!

    MrsQ318: hehe. That payoff is a good idea...let me know if it works and perhaps I'll try it too!

    Bernie: Then the sneak you shall have. And yes, they just might want to chat for a while :)

    SJ: Thanks! And thanks for hosting again!

  14. hahahha, so true. The handful of times that I did try swimming, I encountered all these people. It makes me feel too self-conscious, especially when I'm splashing around like an idiot. I also encountered the lane stalker. A person who literally sits at the end of your lane and stares you down then asks, "oh are you done?" Well, yeah, now I am because I don't want you watching my every move while I'm in here...

  15. bahahahaha I had no idea! =) The last time I was in a public pool with other people I was teased so much for flopping around (by my husband. hes so kind. haha!) and was so relieved noone else was there!! lol

  16. Meg: Oh yeah the stalker. I haven't had many of that type because well, i swim at the Y so people just jump on in! Isn't it amazing what people think they're entitled to?? (like swimming in your own lane...)

    Jenn: Hey, glad you seem to be feeling better! It took me the better part of 3 years of going to the pool to not have my husband tease me for flopping around. I still get swimming tips though :D And at least they're good tips.

  17. 1st- Thanks so much for visiting, and following, my blog! 2nd- I totally remember the marineland commercial, and as soon as I saw the word Marineland, I had the song instantly stuck in my head. I hope it won't be there all day. 3rd- This is the first and only post I have read of yours yet, but I think it is hilarious, and love the drawings. Can't wait to check out more. 4th- Out of all those wonderful options, I would have to chose A. I hate lane swimming, but that seems like the lesser of the evils.

  18. Lindsay: I know, that Marineland song keeps popping up in my head too :) I didn't really think about it when I posted :P

  19. Option A - Not bad. I think I could deal.

    Option B - If you stick on my toes, you better want a bloody nose! Not joking, I will literally slow down (without kicking) during triathlons to let someone who's touching my feet get REeeeeeAL close and then kick as hard as I can. It's a pet peeve of mine from swim practice days. I've kicked people in the head (on purpose), so back off!!

    Option C - Quite annoying!

    Option D - Creeeeeeepyyyyyyy!

    I'd go with A. You're lucky though if you have a pool with different speed lanes. The pool I go to is "slow," "slow," "splashing slow," and "standing still."

  20. Hahaha I laughed my way through this post. Reminds me of my swim team days. I started out as the person who HAD to be in the middle to stay straight, and couldn't do a decent kick turn. Now I'm probably the person who could graduate to the fast lane, but is too scared. Those people are like sharks!!

  21. Kurt: I somehow think you ARE Option A :) Pretty sure I'm somewhere between "slow" and "splashing slow"...

    Kelstahz: Kick turn. Yup...I have no idea what that is. Yeah, the fast people are fast!!

  22. First of all, I would choose option C because she seems oblivious to me. I like that. The other ones are, like, LOOKING at me and THINKING about how much I such at swimming (I do!) and that makes my insides turn all mushy.

    And OMG Julie....I went to Marine Land for my 9th birthday!!!! :D

  23. Dwija: You have a point; middle-of-the-lane-swimmer does seem to be clueless. I love that you went to Marineland for your birthday! What was your favourite thing there? (I only remember that I went on the mini roller coaster once and was *terrified*!)

  24. Hahah I had no idea swimming could be so complicated! I like your blog, and all your drawings. Very amusing.

    Thanks also for stopping by my blog and also sharing that cartoon - really funny! :)

  25. Great post. I have swim piuctures. They made me laugh. Cute blog ideas.


  26. Lozzz123: Thanks! Yes, swimming is about so much more than getting across the pool and back!

    Kevin: Thank you! Glad you stopped by :)

  27. Why haven't I seen your blog before?? You are killin' me!

  28. Heather: Haha! Thanks! Happy you found me :D

  29. Sydney swimmers are the providing the best coaches in Sydney and if you are looking for free classes then call us now at 0431 571 161


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