Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Danskin Part 2: How to Destroy Months of Work in One Hour

As we started the swim I realized what a HUGE MISTAKE I had made.

As the waves (and an inordinately large number of arms and legs) came crashing over me, all attempts at "technique" went out the window.

Look familiar?

After rounding the first buoy I booked it over to the first floating lifeguard station I could get my hands on.  My friend Molly was close behind me.  By this time, I had developed a lovely stitch in my side.  Molly tried to help me stretch while holding onto the surfboard.

It was...tricky.

By then, my superhuman ability to drop my core temperature to ABSOLUTE ZERO had activated!

(It's an innate talent, really.  I can't take credit for it.)

I knew that I now had two options:

Option A:
Move my body.

We can call that swimming, right?  I mean, technically speaking?


Option B:
Turn into a fully-formed swimsicle.

There was no Option C.  Wanna know why? (You know you do.)  Because...

 (That'll be really funny in a minute).

I bid Molly adieu,

and after only a few short strokes, I saw (cue trumpets):


No really, that's what the swimming-in-the-water lifeguards are called.

She let me grab onto a piece of noodle and kick along with her while she chatted with me to make sure she did not just sign up to become the Titanic.  I gotta say though, it's tough to exchange banter with lock jaw (seriously, if you haven't seen me with a plummeting body temperature, it's a sight to behold).

While this method literally kept me from drowning (no hyperbole here), it had to be the longest way to "swim" through the water.  In fact, I'm pretty sure they had to truck in a second glacier to keep that water nice and *refreshing* just for li'l ol' me.

Much to my surprise, we finally made it to shore.  I walked out to see Dave upfront and centre with the trusty camera to record this spectacular pathetic moment for posterity.  The following are based on actual pictures he took of the end of my swim:

Coming out of the water:

Being approached by a concerned fellow racer (and total stranger):

Falling out of the frame:

Dontcha love rapid fire cameras?

There are no more actual photos of me, but I remember being *really* drawn to the uh, lush and inviting patch of grass right in front of Dave, which is where I was headed during that last picture,

and deciding to sit down for "just a minute" to regain my strength for the bike.

A couple of people came over to offer support:

as well as a ride:

All I can say is:  hypothermia's a bitch.



  1. Love your ability to tell a story Julie! Great Job!

  2. So...I don't mean to laugh at your hypothermia, but...hahahahahahaha. Okay, so I guess I DO mean to laugh. Julie, that sounds TERRIBLE! Just wretched and I can't believe that you champ through this shit. Can't wait to hear what happened next!

  3. oh no! :( it could have been a lot worse though. I think you handled it wonderfully. PS - i love your ability to tell a story too :)

  4. Ann-Thanks!

    Andrea-if you can't laugh at this then why do it at all? (j/k) I wasn't necessarily laughing the next day, but time has passed and I can see how ridiculous it was :)

    Meg-it absolutely could have been worse! I remember hearing the medics' walkie talkies, and they were getting a girl who had broken her collarbone...another medic was saying "they said she rode over the side of the road and we can't find her anywhere!!"

  5. ouch hypothermia... yeah you couldn't pay me to go into cold water outside... swimming. Eek! I mean I love water but I get creeped by what could be swimming around me.

  6. yeah, you can't spend too much time thinking about the fish and the seaweed. plus, the arms and legs that whack you from all angles tend to distract you from the minnows :D

  7. Saying hi from Mingle Monday and returning some comment love!

    Your cartoon representation of your race is fan-tab-ulous! I love it! Thanks for making me feel so confident about my approaching tri and the swim portion, now I don't wanna go haha

  8. Hi Adrian! Thanks for stopping by! What race are you doing? I'm going to check out your blog now :)

  9. Stopping by from Mingle Monday! This is just completely awesome and hilarious! It must take you FOREVER to make all those cartoons!

  10. Adrian: I didn't realize you were the author of Happy Girls are Pretty Girls so my last comment probably seemed a little strange :)

    Katie: Don't you love Mingle Monday? It takes me about a week to finish a post but it's so fun for me :) Thanks for coming over!

  11. dear tri girl,
    I've been waiting oh so patiently for your next post. I've lost my patience now it ready yet? hehe, I'm just teasing, but I am ready for another one of your great cartoon stories :)

  12. Hehe. I promise i am working on it. It will done this weekend. It warms my heart to know that you're waiting for my post :D


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