Sunday, April 3, 2011

They Say You Need to Crawl Before You Can Walk

Or, in the tri-world, before you can bike.  But personally, I would rather float.  (I'm talkin' bout the *front* crawl, y'all.) I have never been what you would consider a strong swimmer.  While I did take swimming lessons throughout my childhood, I usually did just well enough to pass the class.  However, some of the teachers left a little to be desired.  For example, my first "grey" level class consisted of treading water for 45 minutes while chanting air force ditties:



I did not pass that class.


 Or the next time I took it. 


I did manage to get a couple more levels in, but then my swimming days fizzled out as a young teenager because I could not fulfill the endurance requirements for front crawl.


From that point on, the term swimming basically meant frolicking around in the shallow end or swimming brief stints under water to get from point A to point B.  Oh, I should mention that we actually had a pool in our backyard at our last home.  Still, no swimming.

So anyway, over the last two years I focused on (a very poor version of) the breast stroke because I could manage to do a couple of laps without desperately clawing through the water to reach the pool wall.

My feelings on front crawl can best be explained as:

Trying to walk and chew gum. 


While patting my head head and rubbing my tummy.


And adding a clap every 3rd, 8th and 93/16th step.


There are of course other challenges to swimming, such as:

keeping my hair out of my face while keeping my swim cap on,


trying to be *at one* with the water so that I can glide smoothly,



(You know he's there, even if you can't see him)

and finding the right goggles.  I have tried so many that I should buy stock in them.  But, I've found they generally fall into two categories.

OPTION A
Small, cool-looking goggles:





They tend to be a *teensy* bit tight.


OR


OPTION B
Larger, recreational goggles:



Comfier, but they leak just a tad.

But, forsooth!!  I have finally discovered the solution with...

OPTION C
 What I like to call Scuba Steve goggles:

Ginormous, sparkly honkin' goggles that suction your face but leave your eyes feeling wonderful!

So this year, with proper eye gear sorted, I have committed myself to finally learning the front crawl.  Why? Because let's face it, how often do you see the breast stroke at the Ironman??

TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR *ALL* THE HELPFUL HINTS I'VE LEARNED ABOUT SWIMMING!

23 comments:

  1. I say, you go all out and get the big snorkel mask for the race. Having an indention in your face that big would really look sweet! Haha, good luck with this swimming training. I personally love to swim, but training for it sucks. :) Thanks, as always, for the laugh!

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  2. This made me giggle. Your posts always do. Its the pictures that just drive the post home! I love to swim. That being said, I doubt I would be able to do more than 3 laps in a pool. I have not swam for a couple years. You can do it!

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  3. TexaGermaNadian: You know, that's not a bad idea. I have seen a couple of lane swimmers with snorkels! Maybe they'd let me scuba? btw, I'm working on having my fingers flow smoothly every time i type out your name :D

    Li/Steve: We can't all be natural fish like you and your children...maybe don't tell them their aunt is such a horrible swimmer? (oh wait, they've seen me swim. shoot)

    Toesthattwinkle: Thanks so much!

    Bernie: Your posts always make me laugh too! Guess we share the same type of humour :)

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  4. As a natural born fish, I find swimming to be at the very opposite spectrum, but I can appreciate your frustrations.

    Swimming caps are an art form for women with lots of hair! It can also be torture for a swimmer to pick out goggles. I spent multiple years looking for a pair I liked, then bough four of them when I did. The manufacturer stopped making them, I ran out, and then I took another couple months finding the next "right" fit. I'm very picky! Mine definitely fit into the small goggle category, but they always are fit loosely.

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  5. I think I'm like you. lol. I really want to learn to swim, but I can't let go of the water.

    This made me giggle alot!

    Thanks for visiting with me. I appreciate it!

    Enjoy the #UBP

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  6. Kurt: You should know that I read you swim posts with sincere jealousy! It's also good to know that 'old pros' struggle with goggles too :)

    JamericanSpice: Yeah, swimming is just hard. Thanks for coming over!

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  7. Hi there! :) Awesome blog! I am your newest follower from the blog hop - would love a follow back!

    Alex

    http://www.thekidisrich.blogspot.com/
    Educating kids and teens in business, money management, and earning money.

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  8. Hi there! I am your newest follower from the blog hop! GREAT blog:) You can find me at www.bouffeebambini.blogspot.com

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  9. Hi Alex and Hanna. Thanks for stopping by!

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  10. The reason I know we are destined to be friends..we share the same.level of spazziness or at least our own perceived levels...ps I'm digging the scuba Steve goggles :)

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  11. Meg: Hehe! So true! Yeah the goggles rock!! I'll be drawing them again in the next post a little more accurately. Sometimes drawing from memory is not the best idea :)

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  12. Not only was the post interesting and snarky, but the pics with it were hilarious XD LOL. Nice post!

    Come Visit Us @ Cat Dead, Details Later

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  13. Girl I can't swim well to save my life either so I feel your pain haahahaha my husband however was on the swim team in high school, so he totally shows me up with his skills! I completely agree with your goggle choice though, Better to keep your eyes happy ;)

    Stopping by from FTLOB

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  14. Yikes ! I'm not good at swimming, and maybe will be never never good at it forever ^_^
    But I'm always a good supporter for my kids when it comes to swimming, I don't want them know that I can't swim XD
    Btw, I love your illustrations. Just one word: hillarious !

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  15. Erika: Thanks! The name of your blog intrigues me :)

    Mrs. Ali: i'll never catch up to my husband but yes, my eyes are happy so i'm happy :) Thanks for popping over!

    Dewi Citra: Thanks! There is something to be said for looking competent even when you're not :)

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  16. This is so funny! I remember as a kid wearing goggles at swimming lessons and having the same dilemma. :) They were either too tight, too loose...too something!

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  17. Fashionography: I don't think i ever wore goggles at swimming lessons. I have no idea how i got by without them, but at least the fitting hassle was avoided :P Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  18. hehehehe you always make me giggle, i love it! so true about the goggles... they're never quite right

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  19. Thanks Andrea!! Yeah, goggles can be so difficult :)

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