Saturday, March 30, 2013

You Say Bikram Yoga? I Say Bikram "No"ga.

The other weekend, I went back to Bikram yoga with Christy.  It was a Sunday morning, and apparently everyone else in town thought that was a fine time to go as well.  People kept streaming in, including the Speedo Guy.  He was super fit, super strong...and super, duper sweaty.  He stood right in front of the mirror, and right in my line of sight.  This was an issue during the class when the instructor told us to focus on ourselves in the mirror, because all I could see was this:


You guys, this was just him warming up before class even started.

During the class I was distracted by many things: Speedo Guy's sweatfest, my attempts to keep from falling over (too often), and the smell of the room.



Which is ironic since we don't even wear socks in class.

And of course, I had to figure out how to "manage" my own sweat.  Our instructor told us to let it drip, because wiping the sweat just makes us reabsorb the toxins back into our bodies. But when I'm upside down it all goes into my eyes, ears, mouth and nose.


And those sweet, sweet toxins are definitely getting reabsorbed.

I also had difficulties with some most of the yoga parts of the class.  During one posture we were told to put our forehead to our knee.  If we did not put our forehead on our knee we were doing it wrong (emphasis from instructor) and had not yet started the posture. 


Lady, if this is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

Once we got to the part with the short bursts of savasana (still don't understand that), our instructor would use her most soothing voice to tell us to relax completely.


But how could I relax when I knew that 15 seconds later she would be clapping and yelling at us??


Yeah, not good for my 'om-ness'. 

So I really did not enjoy the class.  And I found myself very confused about something:  our instructor kept calling our clothes 'costumes', as in:



Man, was I supposed to wear a costume??

I wish I had known.  I totally would have coordinated with Speedo Guy.


Or at least we would have both had capes.  And I might have actually considered going back.  But I'm not.  

I'm done with Bikram yoga.


UPCOMING POSTS: RUNNING, SWIMMING 


I'm joining Yeah Write's Moonshine Grid this weekend. Come join me!

43 comments:

  1. I can't believe you're giving up because of Sweaty Speedo Dude and a stinky sock smell. I am concerned that smell was coming from me. I was grossing myself out, I was so smelly.
    I guess I wasn't paying any attention because I totally missed the "costume" thing.
    I'm sad I'll be yogaing alone :(

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    1. Well, those things plus my total lack of feeling like I'm benefitting from the class. It was definitely not you I smelled. That is a long-infused smell that has been marinating there for years. I am sorry to make you yoga alone, but one of these days we'll figure out a run together!

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  2. First I have to stop laughing. I can so relate. As you are well aware I also have posture issues in classes. Don't worry it's genetic. Last week there were so many people in the class that I had to move over on my mat or the woman in front of my was going to kick me in the face.

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    1. Hehehe. Good think your super quick reflexes kept you from getting kicked :)

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  3. Great post! I love yoga but hate Bikram for almost all of the reasons you mentioned. Glad to know I'm not the only one :)

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    1. Me too! I wanted to love it, but I just don't.

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  4. I knew there was a reason I have no interest in bikrim. All those you mentioned and the whole hot thing. At my age I spend enough time over heated.

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    1. Yup, now that I've been a few times I feel I can objectively say not to go.

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  5. ha ha. if you do decide to go back, I totally vote for you to wear a cape. and I spit my drink out when I read...If this is wrong, I dont want to be right! Have I mentioned I love you? In am non-creepy, non-stalky way, of course. :) - Lea

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    1. I will never go back. I'll have to find another reason to wear a cape. I adore being loved in a non-creepy, non-stalky way--thanks Lea!!

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  6. This is exactly what I'm afraid of experiencing if I ever make it to hot yoga. As always, your illustrations are hilarious!

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  7. I am not impressed with your instructor at all. There should be no clapping in yoga, ever. And there is no "wrong". It's all supposed to be positive, and you only do what you can do that day, whether you're at a very beginning level of the pose or advanced. I have been taking yoga for over a year from AMAZING and very experienced instructors (not bikram, mostly a combo of hatha and ashtanga), and I have never experienced anything negative like that -- nor harsh sounds like clapping. Yoga is not aerobics or even Pilates. I think with a different instructor, you might thrive. But bikram is not for me either -- I don't enjoy being that hot and find that it distracts from my enjoyment and thus benefits from the practice.

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    1. Yeah, I think the conclusion I've come to is that, while they use yoga poses, it's not a yoga class. All the instructors are the same. The class is identical no matter who teaches it: 26 poses each done twice in a row, in a set order.

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  8. I JUST PEED IN MY PANTS!!!!!!!!!! You just illustrated my experience with hot-ass disgusting, slip & slide on sweat YOGA!!! I literally was laughing the entire time because I ain't graceful at ALL and in order to make the experience a little less traumatizing I had to just keep laughing. My instructor kept giving me glares, but I ignored him and pretended to know what I was doing, while laughing harder than one might when they watch stand up comedy. The kicker of the whole day, "Namaste Yogi" - Oh GOOD GOD! I had to run out of there faster than a cheetah, because I was literally going to laugh louder than a hyena! LMFAO!

    (Lots of animal references in that one, lol).

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    1. Yes, I find people in the class don't like if you snort while laughing at their outfits, or of course yourself. I can't spend my energy in a place where people take themselves so seriously.

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  9. Hahah I might be the only one in the comment section who really enjoys Bikram Yoga for the yoga part and the heat part.
    I'm not a fan of it because after a month straight, it felt a little culty to me.

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    1. Oh yes, I could totally see it being a little cult. Anything that is so rigid/all-or-nothing, doesn't feel good to me. I don't want to drink the Kool-Aid...which I am sure you can only do after class anyway.

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  10. This sounds super stressful!!! I'm sad you've stopped going, I was looking forward to more stories ;-) Maybe you're ready to come back to pilates with me!

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    1. Yes, perhaps I should go back to pilates. There would certainly be more to write about in that class. I never run out.

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  11. I don't know how you can stop after a hilarious story like that. The guy just wore a banana hammock and nothing else? Where's the consideration? It might be a good time to quit, though, what with the guy who invented it, Mr. Bikram, being in trouble for sexual harassment and all. Speaking of sexual harassment, sweaty speedo guy had to at some point get a wedgie. I guess just feel lucky nothing popped out.
    Also, I would go to yoga if people wore costumes. You may have pioneered a new type of yoga, Cosplay Yoga. Quick, trademark it! Print it out and mail it to yourself!

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    1. I know, apparently I'm disappointing everyone by not going back. To be fair, the guy's speedo is more of a 'boy short' cut, like a super short boxer brief. I saw a lot of coin slot action and booty cleavage as he was slip sliding and sloshing around in his sweat.

      Cosplay Yoga is a great idea! Except for the weight of the Darth Vader masks and Klingon foreheads forcing people to faceplant :)

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  12. I had a VERY similar experience. I spent more time being confused by the class than I did "being one" with it. I haven't gone back yet. I like my non-10000 degree yoga.

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    1. Agreed. Non-10000 degree yoga is better...infinitely so, or at least 10000 times so :)

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  13. I think you might miss the sweaty sock smell and speedo guy if you don't go back. :-)

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    1. I definitely will not miss the sweat sock smell...I might miss speedo guy.

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  14. I LOATHE bikram yoga. We are never, ever, ever getting back together. Miserable. Hot, boring, I'm twitchy, it's no good!

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    1. That sounds about the same as my experience with it :)

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  15. Are you trying to convince me never to start yoga because you're doing a really good job.

    My Mother will hate you forever, she's wanted me to join her for years.

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  16. what the.. don't wipe your sweat??? ew!! speedo guy - ew! you - funny!! i'm with you - bikram - done. :)

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    1. Gross right? Thanks for saying I'm funny ;)

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  17. Haha! The idea of hot yoga makes me feel all barfy. I hate being overheated.

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    1. I think barfing in the class might be frowned upon. Of course, they don't want you to leave the room, even if you feel nauseous, so I'm not sure how that should be handled. I say stay away :D

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  18. The sweat at Bikram yoga can be all kinds of awkward. If I ever do it again I'm showing up with sweatbands right above all potential drip points.

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  19. I love bikram yoga, but I am so awkward. Not as awkward as wearing a speedo to class though. This was hysterical!

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad you're not wearing a speedo to class :D

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  20. I just...WHAT? Why would anyone think it's okay to wear that, not only in public, but to a class where you have to get all bendy and you KNOW there are innocent people right behind you. Oh the humanity!!!

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    1. Hey wait, are you calling me innocent?? ;) It was a little difficult to concentrate on balancing...did I mention his suit was white with pastels?

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  21. I've never tried Bikram yoga but it sounds utterly terrifying. xx

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    1. Some people love it, but not me :)

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