Monday, January 14, 2013

I Will Bowl You Over with My "Unbelievable" Bowling Skills

I think in order for you to fully appreciate the events I am about to recount, you should be familiar with a little background on my bowling experiences.

1.  My parents were part of a bowling league when I was young.



2. Although no one has ever heard of it, where I grew up we had 5 pin bowling lanes.  The balls were very small (no finger holes).


3.  I broke my nose when bowling as a teenager.  Not with the ball, but I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and accidentally got punched in the face.


So, as much as this might (not) shock you (at all), I don't bowl much and when I do, it's nothing to write home about.

Well actually, maybe it is.

Here is what went down: (if you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you already know a little of the story)

It was my friend Erika's birthday.


Go Erika, it's your birthday/ We gonna party like it's your birthday/ Gonna drink Bacardi like it's your birthday...


Of course I'm not going to tell you her age; I want to keep her as a friend.

She invited an eclectic group to celebrate, and bowling was the activity to bring us together. (Oh, and the activity of drinking.)

Since I can't drink beer, I asked for a super girly cocktail.  It was called the "Pear-adise Martini" or something, and even though I'd never had it before, it tasted familiar.  Christy got one too and identified the flavour almost right away.


I'm not entirely sure that was a good thing.  And yes, I really did spill my drink...I'm all about "one for my homies." (Ok, the truth is that those glasses are really wide and they fill them to the brim and I can't hold cups upright.)

Once it was time to bowl I picked out the lightest ball I could find, and made my way over to the start line foul line starting block


You all know what I mean.

Anyway, I got to that spot and threw the ball.



Threw, lobbed, same diff.

Despite the fact that it looks like my ball was headed straight down the middle, it was a stunning gutterball.  Sadly, people weren't paying attention.

So I did at again.


At least people were starting to watch me now.

On my next turn I managed to hit a pin.  One pin.


My new friends Lauren and Emily were starting to provide words of advice.


Will do!


Success!(?)


Okie dokie!


I watched the talented people like Erika, Christy, and TriGuy bowl spares and strikes, until I started to rub off on them.


I sure was making a heck of a first impression.

I decided it was time for a new strategy, like maybe a heavier ball.


Scratch that.


On the very last frame, I went with Erika's advice and did a granny toss.



Strike!

Ok fine, I didn't get a strike, but I did get 7 points.

Oh, and just in case you're an "I have to see it to believe it" kind of person, here you go.  I'm "J".


I'm pretty sure that's some kind of a special record. 


UPCOMING POSTS:  SOME RUNNING AND SOME BIKING.  AT SOME POINT THERE WILL BE SOME SWIMMING.

I am going to try my hand at being a "Dudette" this week over at Dude Write!

Want to read some great blogs?  Submit your own?  Head on over to Yeah Write with me!



120 comments:

  1. I spilled my drink too!! I blame the fancy glasses. Thanks for making me a stick figure :)

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    1. It was for sure the fancy glasses! They have no business in a bowling alley. And you're welcome-hope you liked it :)

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  2. Your stick figures MAKE MY EFFING DAY. LOVE IT!

    Also: Bowling is HARD. Like chopsticks.

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    1. Thanks Tiffany! You're right, they're both hard.

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  3. You bowled a 13!! Oh my. I'm not a very good bowler. They need to put the pins a bit closer.

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    1. I actually bowled a 20-I just don't have a photo of the final score. They should put the balls about 10 feet closer, especially because my ball starts out in the middle and then veers off to the side!

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  4. Oh so funny! and how can I resist the awesome illustrations?
    New follower? Check.

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  5. Hysterical. Such a pleasure to read/view. Wish all of life was digestible in this format.

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    1. Thank you! Cartoons do make events more fun :)

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  6. Your inability to drink beer is weird. Even though I'm Asian I can still down a few of those.

    Maybe it's the type you're drinking?

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    1. I think it's the gluten in it. That's just a guess though. It's not the alcohol (thankfully!)

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  7. lol love this post, especially at the image of you singing 50 cent. I want to see that in person. I was in a bowling league when I was young (even though I'm terrible too) and one of the girls on my team bowled a 9 and she bowled every week for several weeks..so I would say your 13 doesn't sound as bad then! At least you had fun though! (I assume). It sounds like it and drinking a jolly rancher tasting drink sounds pretty darn fun to me :)

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    1. Thanks Megan :) She bowled a 9! Poor thing (like I'm sooo much better). I did have a great time, and I will happily bust out some Fiddy next time I see you :)

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  8. Five-pin bowling?!? I didn't know you were Canadian. At the very least you broke double digits. I go bowling maybe once every five years, but my step-dad gave me a tip: line up with the center arrow and throw the ball so that after you release it, your hand taps your nose. Although that might be traumatic for someone who has experienced nose violence at a bowling alley.

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    1. I am Canadian (are you??) I really do like that advice...but you're right about the fact that I might not want to purposely involve my nose in any part of my bowling 'skills'.

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  9. For the longest time my oldest kept bugging me to take him bowling. I never did because I'm at least that bad if not worse at it. I got my brother to take him instead.

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  10. I'm much better at bowling when I go with my kids to the bowling alley where they put the gutter guards up manually and they stay up for the entire game. You should see my score then! ;)

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    1. I think that is the perfect way to go bowling!

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  11. Thanks for the LOL your illustrations are hysterical.

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  12. Hahah aww sorry you're terrible at bowling! But these drawings are stellar, lady! One of my faves!

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    1. Thanks Gia! There are worse things than being terrible at bowling. For instance, I'm not even going to try to make a wine cork trivet :)

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  13. I always thought I was the worst bowler of all time, but you beat me! I think my lowest score was in the 20s? I don't actually remember because I LOATHE bowling due to my absolute sucking. Too bad my husband loves it the most and will probably talk the baby into bowling parties someday (you know, once she actually weighs more than the balls).

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    1. And then you met me. Now don't you feel better? The lightest ball I found was 8 lbs, so baby C is on her way!

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  14. the granny toss had me giggling, for some reason i am good in bowling it is my only athletic? sporty? something I am good in...how sad!!

    Next time ask for the ramps to be put up so you can't throw gutter balls or get an aim thingy which looks like a slide for the ball - kids use it...you'll be a winner in no time without friends

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    1. Everyone should be good at something, so why not bowling?

      I was at a bar so I get the feeling they don't even have the ramps and bumpers. I think you're right though, I would win, but I would be lonely ;)

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  15. I think you and I would be neck and neck if we bowled against each other... I too have a parent with bowling trophies from the 70s, but the talent did not spill over into my own genes!

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    1. Ohh, maybe we should start our own league!

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  16. Dad thinks that he still has the pants. :)

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    1. I'm sure he does; I drew them from memory :D

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  17. This post was absolutely epic! I can't stop giggling at the drawings- they are awesome. I think we need to go bowling again and I know too can break 20 this time! We will work on your mad skillz and that bowling elbow too :) thank you again for celebrating with me! Hugs!

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    1. I (we) had *such* a good time! I would most definitely do it again and I'm so glad we got to celebrate with you.

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  18. Your drawings are the best!! They really make the story :)

    I was on a bowling team/league (?) all through jr. high and high school, and I even did it as a crazy college student. Now I won't even take my poor son bowling when he begs me to.

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    1. Thank you steph! Sounds like you're all bowled out :)

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  19. Hahahaha. I HATE bowling. Well, actually I like the idea of bowling. I like going to the alley, the music, drinking beer, eating bowling snacks, and watching everyone else bowl. But the actual throwing of the ball down the lane? No. Thank. You. I am so bad at it, it's become a running joke with my friends.

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    1. The evening itself was totally a blast, so I didn't mind too much how sucky I was. If it was something where I was expected to maintain a certain level of skill, it probably would have sucked.

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  20. I despise bowling. Probably just because I'm a sore sport and I suck at it. My grandmother has bowled in leagues for over sixty years. That makes it worse. I feel your pain.

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    1. The older I get, the better I get at not caring how bad I am at something...I'm bad at so many things. I would be hard-pressed to make bowling a habit though, since I'm only so much of a glutton for punishment!

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  21. That sounds like a fair description of my bowling prowess (or lack thereof) too. . . At least you got drunk. . . :)

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    1. Yes, I would say the drinking and fun people definitely made the experience much more enjoyable!

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  22. I am not a bowler. I come by that naturally. No bowling leagues in my genetics. After a beer or two and I become a better bowler. Then I drink the one-drink-too-much, whatever that is, and I stink worse than without a drink. As always love your drawings.

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    1. Thanks :) I kind of hoped that as I drank my drink I would get better. Oh well :)

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  23. Our bowling skills are quite similar only I usually give up in favor of focusing on my beer and/or girly drink. We should have our own bowling league. It would be legendary.

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    1. Yes we should...there are lots of people who apparently want to join us!

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  24. You are hilarious! Maybe you should have them put the bumpers in for you (like they do for kids parties). Then you can't throw a gutter ball ;)

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    1. You are not the first person to suggest that...maybe I need to just start crashing kids' bowling parties.

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  25. This was fantastic. Your drawings were some of the best yet! I loved your 70s era parents and how the bowling pins had little red halo stripes. Have you ever heard of duck pin bowling? That's how we roll around here.

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    1. Thanks Kristin! What is duck pin bowling?? Would I be good at it?

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  26. I once got a trophy for having the lowest bowling score in our group: a 69. I think it is time to pass that trophy on to you, my dear friend.

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    1. I shall display it proudly...want my address?

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  27. SO I have no experience with bowling in life (save for the movies and tv shows) but I'm pretty sure I would suck at it and HATE it, so you're not alone. :) ...not that you suck. lol

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    1. No no, of course I don't suck. You're supposed to get a low score! Right?

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  28. I bowl the same way I play pool: better after a few drinks but still badly. Loved the "Granny Toss" drawing. I call that one the "Lucy and Ethyl" and it's one of my favorite moves.

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    1. The "Lucy and Ethel", I love it! Apparently it's what I should stick to.

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  29. I am hopeless at bowling as well, and I get annoyed when my husband gives me all these little pointers that don't help me. And then every now and then I get a strike, followed by two gutter balls.

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    1. Hehe, I think my husband knew I was beyond help. You had to get those gutter balls after the strike, otherwise people would think you were showing off :D

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  30. Love this post and your drawings are great! No offense but I don't think I've ever seen anyone bowl 13. Years ago I bowled on a league with friends. It was more for fun times and drinking then actually doing good. Just found your blog and am now following!

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    1. No offense taken, I've never seen anyone bowl a 13 either. Thanks for the follow--welcome!

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  31. Is five pin like duck pin bowling? We bowled this weekend too and I can confirm bowling elbow from a heavy ball! Fun post about a fun night!

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    1. I don't know but you're the second person to say that! I need to google duck bowling. My elbow is still sore!

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  32. LOL! I feel your pain! I am a terrible bowler. The longer I bowl, the worse I get. Although I'm slightly better with a drink or two in me.

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    1. Sadly, the jolly rancher drink didn't do me any good.

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  33. Bah, bowling isn't about the score. It's about drinking and buddies. I'd say you nailed it.

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  34. Ha. Love it. {And I refuse to bowl anymore unless I've had at least one drink. No point. This includes wii bowling.}

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    1. I don't see anything wrong with your rule :)

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  35. This was great. Next time I spill a drink I'm totally going to be like, "I'm just pouring one out for my homies."

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  36. You get points for trying, which is more than I'll ever get re bowling!

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  37. Granny toss made me laugh out loud. We had 5-pin bowling growing up. It's so much better (read: doesn't hurt my wrist as much) than 10-pin!

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    1. Yes, the size of the ball is much better suited for delicate wrists!

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  38. LOL. This post had me laughing so hard. You get double bonus points, especially for the granny toss. :-)

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  39. Were your parents really the bowling champions of their league in 1979? See, I pay attention to your drawings.

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    1. I'm impressed with your attention to detail! I don't know that they were champions; my mom doesn't think she was a very good bowler. I am the apple to her tree.

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  40. 13... wow... that has to be some kind of record. I applaud your tenacity and sticking with it. It takes a strong person to stand tall in the face of adversity. Proud of you, and funny post. Good luck with the Dudette III challenge!

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    1. BTW, I'm a fellow Austinite. Well... Round Rock now. :)

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    2. Aww, I miss Austin (not from there originally but it was a great place to live!) And yes, I think it has to be a record. I am neither strong, nor tall, but I did face down the adversity! Happy to be in the challenge :)

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  41. Ah, the joy of bowling! I always associate it with a nauseous feeling - years ago, we used to always go with the kids after watching a movie at the nearby cinema, and I had always eaten too much popcorn.

    Fun post. And the cartoons were great.

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    1. Thanks! I think nausea is the surest way to keep from ever doing the activity associated with it ever again.

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  42. Very cute! I can't bowl,either! Which here in the Midwest can be considered a defect.

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    1. But, I bet you can build a mean snowman!

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  43. Awesome! I come from a family of bowlers and I'm the total black sheep. I couldn't bowl to save my life!

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  44. I totally love the pictures, especially how you captured the 70s era bowlers.

    Sorry you didn't score higher, but if you had a good time and can laugh a little at yourself, I'll bet you got that strike...wow, that was a bad attempt, I'll spare you any others.

    WG

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    1. So punny :D I did have a great time, despite the ridiculous score. My dad totally had those pants, and my parents really looked like that!

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  45. You can blame the drink!! Such a funny post!

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    1. Thanks! I *can* blame the drink, but it really wouldn't be fair of me :)

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  46. The Granny roll is the only way that I will even attempt to bowl. The first time I went, I was about 14, and nobody told me that you're not supposed to jam your fingers as far into those tiny holes as they can possibly bowl...
    Needless to say, I couldn't write for two weeks after that little adventure.

    I LOVE your illustrations! They had me cracking up the whole time.

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    1. Thank you :D Since today is the first day my elbow doesn't hurt, I really should stick to the granny roll too. I totally get the fingers thing--I was nervous I would dislocate a knuckle or two!

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  47. Oh my gosh, this was so funny. I literally burst out laughing when I saw the scoreboard! I relate completely, because I suck at bowling. I can only ever get through one game, and then I'm all set!

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    1. Hehe, insane, right? My life is a series of events that you have to see to believe. One game sounds perfect to me!

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  48. Are you my long, lost twin? Fabulous post! You made my day. :D

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  49. Oh my! That was hilarious. And the picture of you doing the granny toss, almost made me pee with laughter. :)

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  50. A great post that set me laughing about my own experiences bowling. I was bowled over, literally! Thanks for sharing!!!

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  51. This was a lot of fun! I really enjoyed your pictures! I'm coming back for more!

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  52. I haven't been bowling for many years, and it was just for a fun night out. I learned that apparently I had the whole feet thing wrong. :/

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    1. There's a 'feet thing'? Huh, who knew?

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  53. I find it helps to be drunk before bowling. I do this in order to have something to blame my lackluster skills on. :D Love the art work!

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    1. Thanks Angie! People already know I have no skills so it's too late for me to use that trick!

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  54. Welcome to Dude Write!

    I loved your drawings! This was so much fun.

    And I knew exactly what you were talking about when you described the small bowling balls.

    In Canada, we all have small balls......er....holeless balls.

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  55. Thanks Ken! Yes, I'm from Canada, so I guess that's the only place where the "holeless" balls exist :D

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  56. You know, I am one of those bowlers that starts out great but then gets progressively worse. And I don't even need to be drinking!

    Funny/cute post :)

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    1. At least you have some points from the beginning to keep you going :)

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  57. Wow, finally someone who is worse at bowling than I am. Love your post as always :-). Thanks for the smiles.

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    1. Thanks Debbie. I'm glad I could make you smile today.

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  58. hahahah You suck at bowling just about as much as I do! Congrats. We should start a league for all the BAD players so we can just do bumper ball and throw like grannies.

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    1. That sounds like the best league ever! We would be the funnest group there :D

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  59. So will you be going pro now? Just wondering since you got into the double digits and all. As for the outfits your parents are wearing, can they give them back now if they are done borrowing them from me? (KymberlyFunFit)

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    1. Oh absolutely. And I'm sorry you but you can't have those clothes--my parents still have them.

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  60. The best part is the very truthful scoreboard picture. Best score ever. You'd be welcome to a bowling party any day! No-one is going to feel threatened by you (or me for that matter - bowling with Kate?!)

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    1. We definitely have a team based on all the comments I've gotten!

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  61. That looks like a score of mine at 10-pin bowling. At least you had fun??
    Any "sport" you can while drinking is worth the time and effort!

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